Monday, February 11, 2013

Difficult than Chemistry Task

Dear blogger which is always giving me a place to pour up everything,
let me type some more here while eating this roti goreng cake which has been brought by him this afternoon.
He came here to give back the hard disk to my friend exactly, while typing some more wishes words for his friend. Feeling worse when I am talking with him exactly, I do not know why, it is just scaring...
I am not confident enough to have some words with him, like I always false and can not vomit words that should be said, stuck.
I had ate this roti goreng cake not longer and it was about three minutes, I am on irritate now, my back is itchy, yeah it is secondly I ate roti goreng cake from him and got this thing, itchy. Actually he did not mean to give that for me, he just bought and eat it, just it would be strange if he did not give that, so he gave me.

Feeling so fool when I was in front of him, I even get difficult to dare my self to look at his eyes.
I even was not be able to do that while conversation was continuing. Deep inside I want be able to face up, confident and hold my mind, control my nervous and scaring which is unreasonable, let me try to do it another day when I have conversation with him.

He was busy with his book and pen, it was not his pen exactly, it was mine and it is being his pen right now.
I got that he had had much and more knowledge more than me, I got that he had knew everything more than me, I got that he loves to read more than me, I just come to realize that he is too wise, he has everything and more, even he is younger than me. How happy to have friend like him, isn't it?

I do not want talk about him much here, I just want to say thank a lot for knowledge that he gave me and made it as homework before his leaving. He gave thought which I have been buried and hidden it away long time before, well let me try to reopen the rationalism of this thing. You know that I do most fail to  say thank in front of people who deserved to get it. Giving thanking words to that one directly is more difficult than doing the chemistry task for few years ago.

I do not know how it could be, the strange difficulty, all I know that it is just happen in me and I just try to fix it.
Thank you 

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Him, that one, stupid or dumb me ??

By listening this song, I feel like to write some more here,
through this song... actually it is just hurt myself one more,
this song, I ever sang it, with her I recorded and deliver that clip for you
to show up, that I was happy here, even you were so million mills away,
to show you up that I was be able to hold up the relation with you,
we planned that we would meet someday,
but it was not like our plan,
you betrayed me, even you did not mean it,
you lied to me to cover up your betrayal there,
I do not want to talk it any more, never and I will not,
but this thing roams in my mind some more,
nothing to do, just be silent and little smile,
seems like this site just talked about it since I had created it.

How to distinguish this feeling,
I could not ever believe that I am in this situation,
such rush, unbelievable
there were many man who cared, but I just ignored it,
always said that I do not have any heart to make relationship,
but the fact, I had relation with that unknown man but I do believed and trusted him,
like I ever wrote in my Sands, Infinite and Sincerity must be exist in and maybe previous of pages before,
all was just about him,such fool, dumb,
where was my mind that time?
why I was so deep into him?
I did not love him exactly, he just got my heart and it was just about sympathy.

Again, silent and little smile..

How to distinguish this feeling,
I could not ever believe that I am in this situation,
such rush, unbelievable
it was just so difficult to kick him out from my mind,
started something which is called as Big Burden Inside,
None knows and  All I know I should leave him, but why should leave that one?
yet I have not been able to solve this problem,
also is it caused of that one then I am not feeling so much hurt and felt like this pain is covered up by that one?
or have I been able to reach the sincerity so that I am not feeling so much hurt and felt that this pain like breezy wind whisk?

I do not know,
but I do thanks Alhamdulillah to The Al-Mighty who is always heartily to me,
who granted me that such kind of precious love,
who granted me and all over people in this worlds everything.

I missed myself to like and heartily with the right one,
this heart seems falling in that one,
even it is like unbelievable that I and that man can be together,
the important thing is being be able to go away from him becomes easier,
since I started knowing that one's personality inadvertent.

That time, I said "You are my everything"
even I never knew how is you exactly looked like,
that time, I said "You are my everything"
even I do know that we were on differences,
Yeah that was my foolish, that was my mistakes and I do not want to come back.
Sympathy made me.  

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Seems Childish

To : Muh. Nur Arifin
Dear my dearest brother,
I know that you are in first grade of junior high school of the favorite one,
I also know that you are staying in boarding home,
I know that our parents have made your schedule fully,
I know that these is quite hard for you,
I do for sure that our parents has sent you to join at other programs for supporting your education.

Dear my dearest brother,
even we are separated, still I do care and want to be with you when you needs me,
I do want to hear your telling about everything,
I want you to be opened with me,
do not always be silent in every of each condition,
I saw that you are so patient, sincere and wise to face up everything.

Dear my dearest brother,
Let me say so sorry for not able being with you when you need me,
all I know I just be able help you through this network connection,
I do want to teach you directly,
I do want to help your study when you got some difficulty,
alas I can not do that,
I am so sorry for ignoring you sometimes,
I am so sorry if I am busy with my own.

Dear my dearest brother,
someone told me that he had gotten demand from his parents,
he told me that he always did what his Daddy wanted,
like he did not have options to choose what he wanted,
he did everything, he just be able to accept and do it even it is quite so hard for him,
he told me everything,
he told me about his life, family, outline of his experience of life, friends, also his girl,
talking about his girl, he did not talk about that, never
I just knew incidentally and suddenly,
we just met and I felt that I saw you in his self,
I do  not why I am so heartily to him,
I should confess that I like him here, shouldn't I?

Dear my dearest brother,
I am sorry for forcing you and pushing you up become the number one,
I am sorry for asking you to be able enter to the favorite one for you senior high after your graduating,
I am sorry for being messy to say, study, study, and study
I realize that I did wrong by asking you those things.

Dear my dearest brother,
I got news that you are sick and is being treated in hospital now,
I am sorry for not able to accompany you there,
I am sorry for not be able to be good sister,
I am sorry, all I can do is just praying, may The Al-Mighty will grant health soon,
be best always dear my dearest brother,
get well soon

I just can type some words here even I do not know whether you will read it or not.