Thursday, June 13, 2013

Blank just longing

Writing here like no one knows,
Writing here like no body knows,
writing here while smiling up on own self,
Yes, writing here is giving amazing sensation,
Even I don't have any best idea to write here, but let's just write.

I don't know what is being in this mind, but feeling happiness fulfills on it,
even my self knows best that I do miss my parent and family badly, and feel so bad exactly,
But what should do, just nothing, all I can do just give praying to them
May The Al-Mighty is and will be always protect them in happy in health condition,
May The Al-Mighty will pour His best ever blessing in togetherness

Monday, June 10, 2013

Not me but this finger

It is afternoon, what kind of  girl who woke up in the middle of the day, when the sunrise is spreading the ultraviolet spectrum, whatever calling for that girl, but she might have a reason.

This girl told me that she lose her eagerness to type some words here, even I don't know what the reason was, but I told her not to be like this, it is yours, it is your authority, it is your words, your own words which you patched here, you can write everything here in me, you can share everything as long it makes you feel better, no matter what the people said about your worse words exceedingly. You can write up on me, I accept your all words, even I can not give you suggestion of solving your problem by typing some more here make me feel that I have function and patching of your words here complete me, and I hope you will feel better after pouring your words up on me.

What is being in your mind? Will you please tell me? Don't you trust me again that you will feel better after you pouring everything up on me? Come on, you are not child anymore, you have passed your teenager also, you told me that you are mature, will have been ready to face up every kind of everything, but what happen with you now? Do you think that wrote and poured your everything here is mistakes? Why should you set the configuration on me just available to be read by the author? Am not I deserved read by everyone? Or you think that what you have been typed here was so worse? I don't think so, they love me and some of them drop message to you, aren't they? Or you think that all of this aren't not proper to be written and typed here? Well may be you haven't had ability to write best and perfect like them, but what is matter for you? You can learn from them, isn't that you always do? learning and learning. Or am I so shameful for you now? I saw that you are like giving up with your own words and your self, are you getting tired? Don't you have any words for sharing with me up on here? You told me that you don't have friends in your place now, even many friends are surrounding you, you said that you don't find them as your comforter, you told me that you found your comforter here, with me. Now I am here for you, in front of you with huge space to hold your words on here.

Why are you changing in all of sudden? Sorry to say but I think that you are so childish, and couldn't be called as mature as well, I see that between your age and thought isn't match, you are mature as physic, but I am not sure about the way you manage your emotion. You told me that sincerity must be exist in, but see, it is not just sincerity which should be, you need to enhance your mental, after all I do agree about the sincerity. Girl, are you forget that the world is so wide, but the living here just once, a moment, a while, you wont have occasion like you are having right now, so what is you waiting for, you told me that life has to be lived, so many things must be passed. Yes you are doing it, but see what a best coward of you. Now I ask you, what you have eve r given for your precious life and The One who gifted it to you? What have you done? Look you have done nothing, so selfish, you think more than it is required, balancing between your feeling and the irrational of mind is important, even I do know you that you will say that you have made it, you have tried and been success to make it balance, I do know you will say that, but look, the fact of the reality is not, it is not true that you are success in it, you fail, you are still so selfish, you want to make them happy, your parents, brother, sisters, families and all your friends, but look, have you already been successfully to make and fill up your life in happy smile?Can you please confess and realize from this fake of your camouflage? I am sorry to say but I am tired to see you who are always being like this. Are you really forget how you are three or years before? I want you stay in your positive selfish like that time messy fusspot girl, indifference in line, and never stop smiling, ya even you are now never stopping that one, but you shouldn't show up your smile when you are really not in it. Crying is normal, are you forget how to cry? Never stretching your lips which is recognized as smile if you wanna cry. Never hiding it off. I love you were, not you are now. Now just please remember how you were and be, I wish you understand what I said even I couldn't have ability and occasion to speak it directly into you. Why should I speak it while you are here helping my words patched here on me. 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Coming and exist

Dear peace of white paper on screen of my laptop,
Let me say suite of words from the deepest of bottom heart inside me this night,
I got his news, he told me directly that he is not happy with her,
He feels so buried with her, he is so sad and full of regret, he told me frankly,
Let's not talk about love here, cause if you weapon at me,
I will say directly that deep inside I am missing him badly, but all I want here is not like this,
This everything is like back to norm, when he came and asked this hand, it is like a breeze air blows n fill up this soul, smile spread in this lips.
I am totally afraid and scare of him sometimes, I am afraid to get hurt exactly, yes I have not been ready, this fragile heart is yet back like it was before, and beside of all, I am afraid if my feeling that I had for him will be exist in me again.

What's wrong if I give him once occasion again?
This heart is still do with him, still with him

He said that he is not connected with that woman again,
He said that she is witch,
He said that she just trapped him,
Now he is realize at all, he confess what he has been done and beg me to forgive and ask my hand to be able held by him again.
He regrets so much, he lose his weight now, too much and look so thin.
I don't have any heart to see him in picture that he had sent to me.

Tell me what should I do?
Tell me how to face up on it?
Do I so selfish if I come and hold his hand helping out of his problem?

This is simple problem or probably it is not problem at all,
it is just thing which is so easy to be solved if heart isn't included here.

He told me, like he used and always said before that he loved me, he is still love this girl.
He wanna trying to build everything from zero again,
Even this girl has been trying to forget him, but honesty she is still unable to erase up him and everything about him,
But once again it is not talked about love, it is all about the irrational thought.
It should be thought by mind not the heart which is contaminated with love syndrome.
But it can not be denied that love is working and exist here, he is her lover and so she is,
even it is weird that they have not met personally, but they have this such feeling.
For sake of everything, actually this girl is totally afraid to have relation, boy friend and girl friend like people have, she has not been ready yet if happen something like... you know that what it is mean.
Trying to give everything for future husband, that she is totally want.

Deep inside he is good son and lovely guy, even sometime he is naughty and make her cry.
But you should know that love is wonderful even its hurt sometimes.

Today this girl told him that she ever liked someone when they were apart due to that, this girl just went to confess, felt guilty cause liking another one, even it is still being in little.
He didn't have any words, seems like this girl's word hurt him too much.
Sorry but I just wanna be honest and confession due to guiltiness suffered me always.
Deep inside even your responses is so wise, I am sorry and wish everything between isn't changing and wont be. This girls doesn't want getting hurt for second or more, even she said that the hurt in existence of love is and will be always beauty in wonderfully.

Love is wonderful even its hurt sometimes, but still it is :)

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

This girl and she is me

She said, "All I want here when I meet you, I just want to write up on you and share bout everything, I should be fair with my diary book but I couldn't. I always go into you and pour all what is typed by these finger up on you. I don't mean to think or decide doing before, I just think and my happiness is not decreasing at all when I know this.

I just knew her about one year ago even we had been one campus for three years. We started to know each other since we joined that subject together, I hate that subject much, If the time can return back I wont ever take that subject for my lecturer. We graduated together, but I has been working first than her. We meet again here, I helped her to get a hostel, then we become a neighbor mate for about one or two months, even it was so, she never slept in her own room, she always slept one room with me. We are like close friend even just knew each other."
Now they are together, this girl is happy cause she is not alone anymore in this crowded city, her family is far away from her. This girl talked about everything to her, all the things, she is really trusting her. She told about her liking to that one, she told his kindest and goodness of him, until her friend said, "I don't know him so close even I have known him since I was in one college with him, but you told me so much and I describe him like he is the good man."

This girl's friend had broken her relationship from her boyfriend before cause didn't get permit from her parent, such complicated relationship. One day they hang out together with that man also, not only once but more than it, this girl doesn't know what was being there in this mind, till little by little, case to case this girl realize that her close friend is like interested with that man. This girl said that is no problem at all, even it is little hard in feel, but this girl thought that sincerity should be always exist inside, in every part and also he deserved to get that.

Her friend likes that one..

Few months ago, she remembered that there was a one, the girl's sister had asked, "I have story, one day my friend told me, she liked a man, my friend always told to her close friend about his goodness and everything about him, like he is the most perfect man in her eyes. Her friend doesn't know about that man really, she just knew as him, cause her words about his kindest and all, her friend was like described him like the girl's said, she started to be interested to him secretly, she played and started to steal the show toward him, my friend is shy girl, she is clever to hide something, especially her love feeling toward him, it is out of her mind when she came to realize that her friend be couple with him, but she is totally fine and still keep the friendship does the through, time by time her friend started to know him cause they have already been in relationship, he is not like her thought, as my suggestion you should not tell that to anyone else, you know best that everybody has each thought of everyone, and she thought that he is not like hers........  "

I forgot how the last of that story, let it be, that was just story of someone's life experiences, anyone has own experiences, God has the rules, lines and all. That was just this girl thought, probably this girl is just worry, but why should be is peacefully. This girl said, "I am not worry at all. Happiness is not about we get everything that we want, sincerity is being exist in every each of life, while you realize it, happiness is in yours and it is spreading if sincerity is always being kept deep inside".

Let's leave it to That One whose this Life, I just wanna write here :)

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Happiness is you

For sake of everything I started to put and pour my feeling into suite of words, no one knows what is being there in me or what is being felt by me, no nobody knows. For me love is just worse, loving someone is just like not important necessary to fill up, what I meant someone here isn't family included.

People said love is perfect, it is fantastic and beautiful, it is great, it is making comfort when someone has correlated with their couple. I didn't say that you all guys need that, just try to flow and do whatever in you and life which is going though. People has each meaning of that, about the colorful of life, for them whose best and great experience in it will be always gain and proud of beautiful, wonderful and fantastic of life.

All here are perfect, all are totally perfect, people should think where this perfection comes from, where the feeling of love and the beautiful of feeling love comes from, peace of heart is needed and should be there in every each of alive soul. I could not disagree if they think that this everything are because of his/her effort made it be, but if opinion can be allowed here, people should think where they got effort and power to do support to be making in real. God must be in those everything, everything bot unseen and bare eyes. But here we will not talk about that, I planned to write and put some happy feeling which I have, which I ever has or all which has been holding in.

In one of Bruno Mars's song lyric, "life is too short to have regret" what is matter for anyone else if you so regret with your past or any which you had planned for it but when the time comes you are unable to realize it? If you said this words so and I hear it, definitely I would say that's not matter at all and totally your problem or mistakes. Could you please imagine how if that thing would be vomited by your friend or people around you? Myself will definitely say "No way, I can't imagine those all"
Wow, was it all what I went to say here?

***in my silence I am silent and thinking***

Roaming about Westlive song "Hey... whatever" should be best spirit word for ignoring and thinking that everything is easy, all are easy except the difficult one. When people did mistakes, can you please tell  me what is exactly in your mind? Are you happy for seeing their mistakes? Or you think and pin your mind that they are fool? If you think about that, then I respect beg you not to do that again ever, no one perfect, and you should know that this life is like a mirror, all will be like reflection, all good will come and bring the goodness, so please never ever think badness even it is just little part of mustard seed. I said this, doesn't mean that I am a good or free from that bad, I just try to do all the thing which is should and have to be done for reaching that perfectly of goodness.

Happily is who you are, and believe me, it is you and whom yourself when facing up this reality of these everything, accepting by the everything which is granted by The Owner Of These Everything.
Happiness is you, you are in yourself, when yourself try on reaching the sincerity of everything granted.

And talking about love, it is not a thing which is owned or passionate by anyone. Everybody has it, deep inside it is existing, deep inside it is sincere, like I ever write in my previous, quoted from one of movie :

"Love is never boastful nor conceited,
it is never rude or selfish,
it does not take offense and it is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth,
it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope.. and to endure.. whatever comes." 

Happiness is in you and will be always you, just how and where you will bring it