Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Not That Tasteless

No matter what, this is your life!

Writing here like no one knows, writing here like no body knows. Planning something must be important, figuring out about where and how we bring this life must be needed.
It is true that making plan is wasting time, exceedingly when we had already planned it but it is out of control that we can not supply it.

I am here to write, I am here trying to find a thoughtful for myself.
By entertaining my own here that everything has not been late, I am here.
All I know that I have wasted my time for nothing,
still I think that I am not useful, when I come facing up with The Owner of There Everything, I feel so worse,
no matter what people think when they read this, but it is me, just what I am.

Time brings me into this pretty world that I am living and staying around, although people will think and mock how this environment could be called as pretty much beautiful and fun. No one passes through my mind when I am typing these words, just myself, standing in the edge of time when all of sudden the weird thing came and is thought roaming in this mind. I am such a girl whose huge self-pride as well, I walk on road which no one walks on it, I take my way where sometime my heart doesn't want to. Still I confused where I should bring my life goes to, like the breezed wind blows the dust. In the edge of time I keep my silence and think a lot, trying to get what myself wants, finding what is being inside, sorting out the millions of feeling which one should I throw it away, the one which I should find and need the solution and the one which I deny just because I haven't able to accept or trust it. This life is complicated sometimes, yeah I am the one who makes it be. Trying to be wise, trying to understand mysef as well, love.... yet I am able to mean or realize it.

Trying to pour everything here is my favorite way, at least I could feel better. I could even talk and share what is being inside to my room mate nor my parents, even I tried to but it is different, I couldn't even get the sollution or they meant different. I love them, my parents, sisters, brother, family and my friends as well even I couldn't talk everything and all the things towards them, it is not reducing my huge best feeling toward them ever. 

Still I am silent in the edge of time, while thinking much to solve what is being in this mind.
Trying to browse some data and references to find it, I typed "plan your life" and find some of words "How fucking I have spent for long time by and what I could have for what I had have done"

Accompanied by Rosa - Memeluk Bulan this words are arranged

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Not a Trick

"No this trick won't work. How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? " – Albert Einstein

I thought when I am laughing a lot I could be happy as what I am always expecting for,
I thought when I am laughing a lot I could forget the sadness,
I could find a happiness to kick out this everything which disturbs my mind always and sometime,
I thought I could be the happiest person and useful by sharing happiness of my laughter,
Neither going and hanging out with friends or even entertain own self nor even helping enough,
Knowing that everything depends on heart, “Once you can find the composure of yourself then you will find the true top of happiness “

She talked a lot, she tried to advise her daughter always, I love her, do so love her
I wish I can be mother and care my daughter, son and family like her

What a messy, dull and dumb I am as human,
I am pulling apart without knowing what the exactly happen,
Am I shy to confess and showing up toward myself that I am not this kind of I am being now,
I am not like this, I was just having a thought that I don’t want anyone know me, myself, my character, I am.

Why and how I could think like that,
What I did was just push me to desperate what I was,
I want to back like I was being, when I was in Senior high school or before it,
They let me to go, find and studying so far away cause they knew that I wanted it,
They trust me a lot, until now I am still their little and trusted daughter,
Feeling so worse when I came to realize that something different on me,
Feeling so worse cause I couldn’t do all their advices,
I tried so but feeling like I can’t be a sholehah daughter for them.

Like another day, spending a lot with full of joyful and happiness. She accompanied me to pass this day , I went to go around this crowded metropolitan city. Iced Vanilla Coffee Jelly and Iced Green Tea Latte accompanied waiting the bus. Going to the zoo helps me enough to light my longing of them, my beloved family, because when I was young we used to visit the zoo. I love visiting here, the breezy air comforts me, green scenery helps me to kick out the stresses being living this town.

 “I can’t talk much here, all I know thanks to The Owner of Life for the mercy day of days, and especially today”