Not a Trick

"No this trick won't work. How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? " – Albert Einstein

I thought when I am laughing a lot I could be happy as what I am always expecting for,
I thought when I am laughing a lot I could forget the sadness,
I could find a happiness to kick out this everything which disturbs my mind always and sometime,
I thought I could be the happiest person and useful by sharing happiness of my laughter,
Neither going and hanging out with friends or even entertain own self nor even helping enough,
Knowing that everything depends on heart, “Once you can find the composure of yourself then you will find the true top of happiness “

She talked a lot, she tried to advise her daughter always, I love her, do so love her
I wish I can be mother and care my daughter, son and family like her

What a messy, dull and dumb I am as human,
I am pulling apart without knowing what the exactly happen,
Am I shy to confess and showing up toward myself that I am not this kind of I am being now,
I am not like this, I was just having a thought that I don’t want anyone know me, myself, my character, I am.

Why and how I could think like that,
What I did was just push me to desperate what I was,
I want to back like I was being, when I was in Senior high school or before it,
They let me to go, find and studying so far away cause they knew that I wanted it,
They trust me a lot, until now I am still their little and trusted daughter,
Feeling so worse when I came to realize that something different on me,
Feeling so worse cause I couldn’t do all their advices,
I tried so but feeling like I can’t be a sholehah daughter for them.

Like another day, spending a lot with full of joyful and happiness. She accompanied me to pass this day , I went to go around this crowded metropolitan city. Iced Vanilla Coffee Jelly and Iced Green Tea Latte accompanied waiting the bus. Going to the zoo helps me enough to light my longing of them, my beloved family, because when I was young we used to visit the zoo. I love visiting here, the breezy air comforts me, green scenery helps me to kick out the stresses being living this town.

 “I can’t talk much here, all I know thanks to The Owner of Life for the mercy day of days, and especially today”