This girl and she is me

She said, "All I want here when I meet you, I just want to write up on you and share bout everything, I should be fair with my diary book but I couldn't. I always go into you and pour all what is typed by these finger up on you. I don't mean to think or decide doing before, I just think and my happiness is not decreasing at all when I know this.

I just knew her about one year ago even we had been one campus for three years. We started to know each other since we joined that subject together, I hate that subject much, If the time can return back I wont ever take that subject for my lecturer. We graduated together, but I has been working first than her. We meet again here, I helped her to get a hostel, then we become a neighbor mate for about one or two months, even it was so, she never slept in her own room, she always slept one room with me. We are like close friend even just knew each other."

Now they are together, this girl is happy cause she is not alone anymore in this crowded city, her family is far away from her. This girl talked about everything to her, all the things, she is really trusting her. She told about her liking to that one, she told his kindest and goodness of him, until her friend said, "I don't know him so close even I have known him since I was in one college with him, but you told me so much and I describe him like he is the good man."

This girl's friend had broken her relationship from her boyfriend before cause didn't get permit from her parent, such complicated relationship. One day they hang out together with that man also, not only once but more than it, this girl doesn't know what was being there in this mind, till little by little, case to case this girl realize that her close friend is like interested with that man. This girl said that is no problem at all, even it is little hard in feel, but this girl thought that sincerity should be always exist inside, in every part and also he deserved to get that.

Her friend likes that one..

Few months ago, she remembered that there was a one, the girl's sister had asked, "I have story, one day my friend told me, she liked a man, my friend always told to her close friend about his goodness and everything about him, like he is the most perfect man in her eyes. Her friend doesn't know about that man really, she just knew as him, cause her words about his kindest and all, her friend was like described him like the girl's said, she started to be interested to him secretly, she played and started to steal the show toward him, my friend is shy girl, she is clever to hide something, especially her love feeling toward him, it is out of her mind when she came to realize that her friend be couple with him, but she is totally fine and still keep the friendship does the through, time by time her friend started to know him cause they have already been in relationship, he is not like her thought, as my suggestion you should not tell that to anyone else, you know best that everybody has each thought of everyone, and she thought that he is not like hers........  "

I forgot how the last of that story, let it be, that was just story of someone's life experiences, anyone has own experiences, God has the rules, lines and all. That was just this girl thought, probably this girl is just worry, but why should be is peacefully. This girl said, "I am not worry at all. Happiness is not about we get everything that we want, sincerity is being exist in every each of life, while you realize it, happiness is in yours and it is spreading if sincerity is always being kept deep inside".

Let's leave it to That One whose this Life, I just wanna write here :)

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Happiness is you

For sake of everything I started to put and pour my feeling into suite of words, no one knows what is being there in me or what is being felt by me, no nobody knows. For me love is just worse, loving someone is just like not important necessary to fill up, what I meant someone here isn't family included.

People said love is perfect, it is fantastic and beautiful, it is great, it is making comfort when someone has correlated with their couple. I didn't say that you all guys need that, just try to flow and do whatever in you and life which is going though. People has each meaning of that, about the colorful of life, for them whose best and great experience in it will be always gain and proud of beautiful, wonderful and fantastic of life.

All here are perfect, all are totally perfect, people should think where this perfection comes from, where the feeling of love and the beautiful of feeling love comes from, peace of heart is needed and should be there in every each of alive soul. I could not disagree if they think that this everything are because of his/her effort made it be, but if opinion can be allowed here, people should think where they got effort and power to do support to be making in real. God must be in those everything, everything bot unseen and bare eyes. But here we will not talk about that, I planned to write and put some happy feeling which I have, which I ever has or all which has been holding in.

In one of Bruno Mars's song lyric, "life is too short to have regret" what is matter for anyone else if you so regret with your past or any which you had planned for it but when the time comes you are unable to realize it? If you said this words so and I hear it, definitely I would say that's not matter at all and totally your problem or mistakes. Could you please imagine how if that thing would be vomited by your friend or people around you? Myself will definitely say "No way, I can't imagine those all"

Wow, was it all what I went to say here?

***in my silence I am silent and thinking***

Roaming about Westlive song "Hey... whatever" should be best spirit word for ignoring and thinking that everything is easy, all are easy except the difficult one. When people did mistakes, can you please tell  me what is exactly in your mind? Are you happy for seeing their mistakes? Or you think and pin your mind that they are fool? If you think about that, then I respect beg you not to do that again ever, no one perfect, and you should know that this life is like a mirror, all will be like reflection, all good will come and bring the goodness, so please never ever think badness even it is just little part of mustard seed. I said this, doesn't mean that I am a good or free from that bad, I just try to do all the thing which is should and have to be done for reaching that perfectly of goodness.

Happily is who you are, and believe me, it is you and whom yourself when facing up this reality of these everything, accepting by the everything which is granted by The Owner Of These Everything.

Happiness is you, you are in yourself, when yourself try on reaching the sincerity of everything granted.

And talking about love, it is not a thing which is owned or passionate by anyone. Everybody has it, deep inside it is existing, deep inside it is sincere, like I ever write in my previous, quoted from one of movie :

"Love is never boastful nor conceited,
it is never rude or selfish,
it does not take offense and it is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth,
it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope.. and to endure.. whatever comes." 

Happiness is in you and will be always you, just how and where you will bring it

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Yeah I am, aren't I?

I wanna be I am as I am before knew you,
that was six years ago,
when I was in fourth semester of senior high school,
Purma' who was calm girl,
who has not known yet the whole and rude world,
who has not known the sensation of liking someone,
who has not known the ail sense,
who has just known how to smile of happy life,
Purma' who never felt sad,
Purma' who was well known as Bahagia Purma',
Purma' who most people called her as the cheer one,
Purma' who always stared smile and happily, full of happiness,
That was Purma' as I am that I ever knew.

Problem should be a friend, said Lenka.
I am grown up girl now, I am not kid anymore,
should be able to face up, like Mr Bill Martens said to me in every occasion of our conversation,
"Smile and cheer up hon"
He is good man who inspires me always.

I am girl as I am,
little girl of my beloved mother and father,
cheer and innocent girl of my big family,
happy and smile sisters of my siblings,
that is what I am, aren't I? 

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Near but Far

I am not following you,
I have not followed you,
I have not been following you, never
I feel that I just knew you several seconds ago,
I talked to you and so you did,
I told to you and so you did,
I shared story, life and also my family and you did,
You are like my close friend for me.

Probably people thought that what I have been doing is just about you and thought that I am your follower,
and who is know if you have that kind of thought also?
Whatever, for any kind of reasons, I don't care,
I don't care doesn't mean that I accept what they or you guys's words for me,
I don't care and pretending that I am quick well cause I am bored, I am tired with all of you guys and myself exactly,
Why what I was going to do, what is being thought by this mind and what has been being planned here are liked recorded in your mind..
I would love to change the direction when I got that same,  I did and started to get the other one which is different,
but what I am being done now was like camouflage of me,
Pretending that I don't have same thought like in your mind,
Condescending my self, and blaming on.

Knowing you is disturbing me as well,
but when I started to avoid you, I don't feel well,
I wanna be able close to you like before,
I wanna be able to hold you as my best friend like before,
I wanna be able to share all the things as you were always be the best listener,
Why are you so kind?
Why are you so good?
Why are you so clever?
Why are you so diligent?
Why are you so patient?
Why are you so lovable?
Why are you so mature?

I just came realize that we are separated now,
even the distance is not far as my distance with my family, but we are far
so so far away, I would even be able to meet and talk with you.

It is not my mistakes to know you,
It is not your mistakes I am avoiding you,
all I want is you are happy and feeling well there, without any burden cause those people's words,
I am not good in appearance and maybe for the attitude also,
I don't want you feel bad cause people's words,

If what is being me called as love,
I will deny it,
I am totally not match and proper for you,
you deserve to get the best one like you are,
and I am not that one as best girl.

And I want you to get best

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Frowned

Sunrise shines from eastern horizon, like breezy air blows and wafts gently. I am awake from long sleeping, I saw them busy with their activity. Appointment has been created and would have been fulfilled today. On 8 am of GMT + 7 I have been ready for everything to go and join in that event.
I am not the one who like to ask, I am not the one like traveling much, even I do so then it is not because I like it much, I just want trying to find another ways to throw away a burden inside, all I want is solution of problem which is disturbing and roaming in me.

My parent is not parent who teach their children to ask any or everybody when getting trouble, all they said was "You should find the answer by yourself, otherwise you wont even find the solution, you can find everything by reading, books, the key is you have to read and love books, whatever it but you have to"

What is the destination of life?
Why should we work?
Why everybody want and desire to get job?

Talking about life and all about it will never end, everybody has their way and opinion about it, no one of those opinions can not be blamed, what I mean here is all those opinions have right.

Destination of life is doing everything in best and good way, Lillahita'ala, which my mother always said.
Reaching the goal of life, happily in this worlds and here after. That should not be proper to be talked again, cause everybody wants it, it is just how they describe, explain and mean of it specifically.

Reaching the destination of life should be called as working, isn't it?

And the answer of that why is back to the first point, cause everyone wants what becomes their destiny can be reached.

Still I am on learning it, and yet sure that I have understood at all.
Life is for learned, learning for everything, everything about knowledge.

"I reread this post which has not been published yet, then I asked by myself, any way when I typed this? I don't remember then just publish it"

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No words no title

May happiness fulfills your heart as always,
may happiness comes close to you,
may happiness stays and holds you tight always,
may happiness becomes your friend,
may happiness always surrounds you,
may happiness becomes you,

this tears such falls dropping, can not be controlled typing this words
I don't know but it is happen,
just I can't see you not in happiness,
all I want in you is in happiness, joy full without sadness or kind of it,
for the reason of this little heart that I have for you,
a little part of it which towards you,
a little part which I never expected falling into you,
my best pray for you.

Know every particular object is not me,
I knew however and whatever about you not because I am curious to know about,
those facts come and show me,
those unimportant of those everything roams and fill up this mind,
such air which full off the dimension of room.

I am sorry, but I should not felt guilty.
No worries cause I do know who I am,
may everything best of happiness grants on you.
Never be sad, or something else except smile and happiness,
I read your words and I saw how you love her,
even that your heart one is far from you now,
but no worries you will get the best,
The Owner of this everything doesn't sleep and never sleep,
may you will be granted a best lovely couple for your happiness like always in your expectation,
or even if you still need and want her, may she will fall down in your warm hug of happiness,
for any and everything... I love to see you in happy of your cute smile,
may happiness is and will be always in you forever :)

Yo Te Amo 

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Through the screen

Dear the one out there,
I miss you, it has been long time I know you and I was doubt on you without reasons,
I am sorry for not able to certain myself that you deserved to get my trust,
Let me say and blame myself for not be able to be together with you now,
Sincerely I am not be able to forget you till this second of current time,
I missed you so badly last night, I don't know what the reasons were, but I felt so...

It is forbidden for me to feel this feeling so,
but what should I do? I could do nothing,
should I share this to my friend so I would feel better from this feeling,
I should and would love to do so, but see...
who are you for me?
I have shouted to the world and showed to them that I heart you before,
long time ago, without any reasons..
I thought I have told this before to you,
do you remember? how can you remember it? how can I ask this thing to you while you are not around with me again, while I secret this words from you and all people who I ever talked to them about it.

I just do not want they feel disappointed, or maybe sad cause know that the one who heart you so much before, the who probably adore you have heart to say a fact which the opposite of her plan..
One that I know here, I am happy and still happy in my cheers..
 There will never be a moment I will regret, you showed your self and have made me falling in love with you since the day you had patient to care and certain me to get my faith.
For all the love you gave and the patience of love that you made,
and those I have got to find the strength to say that I can handle it.
I know that it was really hard for the first time,
when I faced up the reality of broken plan.

I am the girl who stands up in the edge of time,
no words, no feels, no embrace...
Letting you go away was the best choice of that time,
just say good bye, a thing which I used to say when I got mad on you in the past,
a word which you always forbade to say, never ever say good bye..
Just smiling at on me, I just came to realize that I did,
I did deciding to say and commit it with truthfully of my heart,
pretending alright while keeping smile and calm of act was part of my way to cover up my broken heart,
I did not show the love for you that was being exist in me.

 It seems that until now I have not been able to make my mind up yet,
that is why you, yourself is written here, I miss you, but I am not sure that what is I am feeling now is true.
I have let you to marry her cause your accident,
I do not know what kind of heart, mind that is being in me,
I should be shame of myself cause knowing and heart you, people like you who is clear in bright that I may not have feeling with cause our differences, and religion is pointed here.

Regret??

Probably... but I am not, I have learned everything from you,
I do not know whether you are right or wrong about there will be a one who will love me like your huge love that you have for me,
sometime in my lonely, your words still roam in my mind...
let me declare with my words here that I have been able to accept the fact,
but I can not deny to confess that I never loved this way before and no one else that I know loves me more,
with you I have laughed and cried, even we have been separated by million of distance.
That has been being three years we knew each other, but it was just once we faced up.
I am smiling by myself for once more, how could it be called as love while we have not had sign in knowing each other, limited by the screen and face up once, that first time... It was so relief when we know how we were looked like...

Happy??

Yes I was happy that time, and you are too.
Again and again we communicate, through the screen you always accompanied my study,
through the screen you always joyed me in my sadness,
through the screen we always shared our opinion and fight when we had different commitment,
through the screen, through the screen,
again I am smiling here, and through the screen we kept on try to communicate.
And through the screen and reality, we are ended,
and I decided to do ending it.

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