Monday, April 22, 2013

Through the screen

Dear the one out there,
I miss you, it has been long time I know you and I was doubt on you without reasons,
I am sorry for not able to certain myself that you deserved to get my trust,
Let me say and blame myself for not be able to be together with you now,
Sincerely I am not be able to forget you till this second of current time,
I missed you so badly last night, I don't know what the reasons were, but I felt so...

It is forbidden for me to feel this feeling so,
but what should I do? I could do nothing,
should I share this to my friend so I would feel better from this feeling,
I should and would love to do so, but see...
who are you for me?
I have shouted to the world and showed to them that I heart you before,
long time ago, without any reasons..
I thought I have told this before to you,
do you remember? how can you remember it? how can I ask this thing to you while you are not around with me again, while I secret this words from you and all people who I ever talked to them about it.

I just do not want they feel disappointed, or maybe sad cause know that the one who heart you so much before, the who probably adore you have heart to say a fact which the opposite of her plan..
One that I know here, I am happy and still happy in my cheers..
 There will never be a moment I will regret, you showed your self and have made me falling in love with you since the day you had patient to care and certain me to get my faith.
For all the love you gave and the patience of love that you made,
and those I have got to find the strength to say that I can handle it.
I know that it was really hard for the first time,
when I faced up the reality of broken plan.

I am the girl who stands up in the edge of time,
no words, no feels, no embrace...
Letting you go away was the best choice of that time,
just say good bye, a thing which I used to say when I got mad on you in the past,
a word which you always forbade to say, never ever say good bye..
Just smiling at on me, I just came to realize that I did,
I did deciding to say and commit it with truthfully of my heart,
pretending alright while keeping smile and calm of act was part of my way to cover up my broken heart,
I did not show the love for you that was being exist in me.

 It seems that until now I have not been able to make my mind up yet,
that is why you, yourself is written here, I miss you, but I am not sure that what is I am feeling now is true.
I have let you to marry her cause your accident,
I do not know what kind of heart, mind that is being in me,
I should be shame of myself cause knowing and heart you, people like you who is clear in bright that I may not have feeling with cause our differences, and religion is pointed here.


Probably... but I am not, I have learned everything from you,
I do not know whether you are right or wrong about there will be a one who will love me like your huge love that you have for me,
sometime in my lonely, your words still roam in my mind...
let me declare with my words here that I have been able to accept the fact,
but I can not deny to confess that I never loved this way before and no one else that I know loves me more,
with you I have laughed and cried, even we have been separated by million of distance.
That has been being three years we knew each other, but it was just once we faced up.
I am smiling by myself for once more, how could it be called as love while we have not had sign in knowing each other, limited by the screen and face up once, that first time... It was so relief when we know how we were looked like...


Yes I was happy that time, and you are too.
Again and again we communicate, through the screen you always accompanied my study,
through the screen you always joyed me in my sadness,
through the screen we always shared our opinion and fight when we had different commitment,
through the screen, through the screen,
again I am smiling here, and through the screen we kept on try to communicate.
And through the screen and reality, we are ended,
and I decided to do ending it.


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