Friday, April 19, 2013

I am blocking at you

I don’t know why this fingers typing it is so fast, I don’t ask it, I am not passion on it.

I am blocking at you, yes you are blocked.
It is hard to say, still I have feeling at you, a deep feeling which most people call it as I am your lover,
No I am not, never I am called myself as yours, your lover, never
That was just a moment when we used together, like we were helping each other,
Supporting when one of or both of us got trouble,
Sharing like friends, but we were closer, no one said and believed that we were a mate,
What a stupid of us, and I am the most
Still I am not believing of that, still I couldn’t receive that,
A truth which is clearly in fact in front of this eyes,

It is still you who roams in my mind always,
Your coming was like a wind, such breezy air blew my soul,
Into the deepest part one,
But those was just past, my past about you,
You who tough me the little thing of how managing the felling,
Even you didn’t mean to teach so but all you have showed to me, all has been absorbed by me,
All has been processed and definitely set wisely of how acting,
Still I haven’t understood you fully about why you are doing like this,
But from a moment that has been passed, I have been trying to understand and put positive on that why,
That widow and her daughter needs you more than me,
That woman and her baby in her womb now need more love than me,
That woman, her daughter and her fetus need you more and more than me,
Even what you have done with her was a thing, a thing which was called accident by you,
You don’t have any option to choose, a huge of your betrayal proved.

My silence, my smile and my peace here don’t mean that I am hurt so much.
Ssttttt fucking damn true that it is I am getting that hurt,
But I don’t know that silence, peace of my smile are true,
Yes I found time to cry that time, but that was just a while, no more than two hundred and forty seconds,
And after all, it was felt that myself wasn’t deserved to cry, hurt and feeling bad,
Like peacefully, sincerity bathed my soul,
I am not crazy, and it is true, do you think that I am crazy?
No I am not, still I am be able to answer the algorithm and question of the lessons,
It is just myself doesn’t let me to be down.

Hello, but sometime I miss him,
I don’t know what I miss at him, it is just suddenly existing, like being now,
But all is controlled, I miss you but now I just be able to type some words here,
Some words which deputes of what I am feeling,
A small part of my feeling for you which has not been able to be kicked out from this fragile heart.
How are you there? How is condition of your daddy? Your mom? Your sister and her little angle?
How is home? And …. How is your wife? How is her pregnancy? How is your step daughter? And your son who is in her womb?

It is true that I don’t hate you and I am not able to do so, what I said to you in my anger about I hate you, you are liar, betrayal, bad etc was true, but my small heart is like forbidding me to say so,
And I accepted what its said,
You are not bad, liar, betrayal at all,
No one never do mistakes, that is human being
And the truth that I don’t hate you.

Any way I am sorry for waiting me so long,
If I were with you and we were near for each other,  maybe that thing will not happen,
I am sorry for waiting me till your age becomes 28th more and still I couldn’t be able to come to you.

I am sorry for not able to understand you that time,
Thank you for your patient, love, and a precious lesson.
January 28th 2012 was last day of happy birthday which I used to say,
October 05th 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 are a day when you always forgot  -_-“
Sometimes I used to smile by myself when roams a moment which is full joke, fight that we ever had,
Happiness and sadness, laughed and cried, that was you


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