Near but Far

I am not following you,
I have not followed you,
I have not been following you, never
I feel that I just knew you several seconds ago,
I talked to you and so you did,
I told to you and so you did,
I shared story, life and also my family and you did,
You are like my close friend for me.

Probably people thought that what I have been doing is just about you and thought that I am your follower,
and who is know if you have that kind of thought also?
Whatever, for any kind of reasons, I don't care,
I don't care doesn't mean that I accept what they or you guys's words for me,
I don't care and pretending that I am quick well cause I am bored, I am tired with all of you guys and myself exactly,
Why what I was going to do, what is being thought by this mind and what has been being planned here are liked recorded in your mind..
I would love to change the direction when I got that same,  I did and started to get the other one which is different,
but what I am being done now was like camouflage of me,
Pretending that I don't have same thought like in your mind,
Condescending my self, and blaming on.

Knowing you is disturbing me as well,
but when I started to avoid you, I don't feel well,
I wanna be able close to you like before,
I wanna be able to hold you as my best friend like before,
I wanna be able to share all the things as you were always be the best listener,
Why are you so kind?
Why are you so good?
Why are you so clever?
Why are you so diligent?
Why are you so patient?
Why are you so lovable?
Why are you so mature?

I just came realize that we are separated now,
even the distance is not far as my distance with my family, but we are far
so so far away, I would even be able to meet and talk with you.

It is not my mistakes to know you,
It is not your mistakes I am avoiding you,
all I want is you are happy and feeling well there, without any burden cause those people's words,
I am not good in appearance and maybe for the attitude also,
I don't want you feel bad cause people's words,

If what is being me called as love,
I will deny it,
I am totally not match and proper for you,
you deserve to get the best one like you are,
and I am not that one as best girl.

And I want you to get best