It was perfect

It was perfect when I am as girl under their caring,
It was perfect when I run reaching to get the harmfulness of their hug,
It was perfect when their first lovely daughter stayed near together with,
It was perfect when this girl has not decided to leave, away, far from home

It is not meant that this girl regrets her decision,
This life gave her a lot of things,
She saw a lot, she read a lot, she learnt a lot, she knew a lot,
All the things she knows

But someday, the day when she thought that it could be the most beautiful thing changed her life,
New hopes were created,
New plans were prepared,
New days would be started,
New appointment was built between two son of man

This might be the first time for her to start and learn how that man was,
The man whom came and said his truly deep of his words,
He talked a lot, he cared a lot, he cared his family a lot, that is all about,
It might be the reason why I could put hearty a lot

Times went by, I understand, but he more understands me as well,
he is nice guy with the soft heart,
he is nice guy who could keep his words,
he is nice guy with no exception

Today, I have decided, do not know whether it is right,
but I believe every decided decision is right if it will not create regret someday,
Anyway, I do not know how to pour and write all these thing by now,
I forced myself not to contact, I force myself to conceal,
Longing, it is just a while, then how could be.

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My Day of Today

Dear My Day,

I thought that life was so rough for me, several months ago. Brebes, February 7th 2016 I am in the half way of my journey going back to my hometown after attending interview at one of famous IT consult company in Jakarta on February 5th 2016. Planned to go home after the interview, alas I didn't get the ticket that day, it was long weekend Saturday-Sunday-Monday were colored as red, so I got it by the date of today. 

My name is Purma' Rifatika, was born at October 5th 1990 at Kediri as first daughter from lovely parents, my mother's name is Surati and my Dad's name is Supriyo, both are teacher, my Mom teaches elementary school and my Dad at Kindergarten. I have two younger sister and one younger brother. She is Nurma Priyatika, has graduated from Nursing Academic at September 5th 2015, she is beautiful, cute, cherish, lovely girl, humble, patient and will be loves by everyone whom meet her, the youngest is Siti Khoirul Hidayati, she is too cute described, she is in Junior High School at third grade class now a day and the last is my younger brother, he is the one and only, became student of Telkom Sandy Putra Malang was suggested by his oldest sister, she suggested only, no forced, but was surprised by it cause before he was not interested on it, he had planned continuing his study at SMAN 2 Kediri and yes he was accepted there, however it was detached.

Touched down at Purwokerto Station on 6:45 PM, got message from my first and last lovely boyfriend that he hang out with his family, he is Tony, with complete name is Rd Tony Arryansyah Arifin, he is my boyfriend and it is the first time in my life I have person called as it. We committed to hold and got married someday on December 13th 2014.

I would love continuing this writing, but I am sleepy. I think I will post it even I have not been able to finishes it yet 😁 Cause It will not be posted if the uploadin now is postponed 🙆🏻

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Reflection, do you like you?

Accompanied by Colbie Caillat of his Try song this words are written.

People talked a lot, people think to much, and I am?
Nothing to be done even there are too much should be done and finish it
Feels like it was long time wasn't here, don't you miss me?
Well it is just joke, I am totally quite alright even if you never miss me, now I come and want to tell you something, not something but everything.
You may be understand me so well why I come here, do I look so confused?
Could you please answer my question whenever I want to talk to you?
I am crazy cause talking with a thing which doesn't have a soul, forgetting that you are just a screen of this laptop.

Honestly I don't know where to start, would like to pour everything inside but I do really get confused. Do need cry a lot without reason, life gives us everything, pain, happiness, sadness, cheerfulness, togetherness with people whom are loved and everything.

And I don't know where the situation I am for exact.

It is not the right time if I stay and type something here, I have a lot home works which have been done yet posting which force me to type some more and pour it out into sentences.
Am I bored? No I am not, learning is so much fun even it needs more effort to refresh it.

I would love to type some more even I should and get done with my home works for exact

Typing this is quite embarrassing for this girl, but what to do?
She just wants to throw away what is has been being existed inside of her,
A secret thing which has never happened before as long she has been breathing for this long time goes by,
Eighteenth of Last month at this year

And it is about seven days passed, that day I did not know what exactly it was
What a different day, what a fantastic a day made
Something difference happened, and the difference is you
I am not sure it was you, but I don’t know too how this hearts faced a hard racing beat when I started to know you
Thought that it was just hormone works out inside this body and mind for exact before
Tried a lot to find what was exact happen with this self, trying to close to find the peacefulness
Just hard racing heart beat
Is it too much?

I couldn’t understand nor concern this self in all of sudden
Do I deserve to have this feeling?
I am not the one who is clever in treating someone
I am not the one who is girly and loveable
I am not the one whose perfection, there are too much lack
Saying and mentioning above did not mean not to thank for the gift given by The Lord
I am just not confident with myself, wait but aren’t I?

I smile a lot
I talk a lot
I speak a lot
And also think a lot even has not given a best result or solution

Last, but exactly is not I feel that I fell in love with him for first time he certain me with his full of his heart to start planning and making the proposal story of our life.
What is human? We just be able to make a planning, The Owner Of This Life whose fully right, but we hope and wish... We can make it real someday.

Finding lovely RdTAA's post note

One words but I am still doubt with it, when I start loving someone, I become more selfish, like I want to him belong and totally for me. God sorry, please gives and pours us always the composure of heart as provision to think right.

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Not Entitled November 30th 2014

It was such beautiful morning, even though there was not dew which full of the air
It was such beautiful night, even though there was not stars shined on the nice sky,
It was such beautiful day when I came out from my small room and stepped up to the outside,
It was beautiful whether, even the rain is not falling down and wet the ground,
It was beautiful room, even the temperature is not warm enough for body temper scale,
I thank to God for everything, I am happy and I am so gratefully cause of all those gifts.

God gave everything, everything which is needed, creating smile happiness to anyone who accept it,
Everything are granted, everything were accepted,
Don't know but it is just blank at her mind, wanna talk a lot, wanna scream any, wanna share a lot, wanna type a lot, but no thought.

No one there, do sure that she will start talking and type about life, but talking about this will just recall her memorize back.

Seems she is bored, seems like she wanna drop something from her eyes, like tears but will be denied directly if I called it as.
I don't know about her, what is in her mind, all I know that she is learning about the true of sincerely,
Hard like hell, but yeah she is holding out.

Her and she are all about me, the one who gets difficult to show up her cares to everyone wanted instead of creating disappointment by her behaviors

I am sorry

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It is My First Time

I miss you doesn't mean that I want you
I miss you doesn't mean that I want that feeling back
I miss you doesn't mean that I can't forget
I miss you doesn't mean that I can't see you happy there
I miss you doesn't mean that I am in too bad situation cause longing
I miss you cause I do
I miss you cause I confess that little of you are still staying in part of my fragile heart
I never regret starting to know, understand and concern you
You mean a lot for me
You are someone whom get all of me, even I never gave you any
You taught me everything from nothing
You taught me how to see the world and blast meant heart feeling
Being with you, I was happy
Being without you, I am happy
Can't be together cause different faith was our decision
No, it is not, that was my decision
Love doesn't mean possess, it is peace and I am full of that peacefulness
Never let me that you are not happy there
Never let me to know that you are in bad feeling situation there
Never let me that you are sick there
I wont be able to hold back my tears and longing too long, never

Don't you know that I have that hearty feeling toward that one
I wish you know that, it is not me whom expect to have that
It exists suddenly, whispered word roaming, trying to certain myself that I know that one,
I ever met that one long before, first sign and my self just confess that it can't be forgotten
I melt whenever I meet or near that one, do control myself and certain that all is well and nothing happen without recognizing that something happen of me
And yeah that is my problem, even I can't deny to say that I don't wanna be frozen anymore
Still I don't understand what the exactly it is

It is my first time, you should know that  you and that one most I talked a lot before this read page exist 

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Not That Tasteless

No matter what, this is your life!

Writing here like no one knows, writing here like no body knows. Planning something must be important, figuring out about where and how we bring this life must be needed.

It is true that making plan is wasting time, exceedingly when we had already planned it but it is out of control that we can not supply it.

I am here to write, I am here trying to find a thoughtful for myself.

By entertaining my own here that everything has not been late, I am here.

All I know that I have wasted my time for nothing,

still I think that I am not useful, when I come facing up with The Owner of There Everything, I feel so worse,

no matter what people think when they read this, but it is me, just what I am.

Time brings me into this pretty world that I am living and staying around, although people will think and mock how this environment could be called as pretty much beautiful and fun. No one passes through my mind when I am typing these words, just myself, standing in the edge of time when all of sudden the weird thing came and is thought roaming in this mind. I am such a girl whose huge self-pride as well, I walk on road which no one walks on it, I take my way where sometime my heart doesn't want to. Still I confused where I should bring my life goes to, like the breezed wind blows the dust. In the edge of time I keep my silence and think a lot, trying to get what myself wants, finding what is being inside, sorting out the millions of feeling which one should I throw it away, the one which I should find and need the solution and the one which I deny just because I haven't able to accept or trust it. This life is complicated sometimes, yeah I am the one who makes it be. Trying to be wise, trying to understand mysef as well, love.... yet I am able to mean or realize it.

Trying to pour everything here is my favorite way, at least I could feel better. I could even talk and share what is being inside to my room mate nor my parents, even I tried to but it is different, I couldn't even get the sollution or they meant different. I love them, my parents, sisters, brother, family and my friends as well even I couldn't talk everything and all the things towards them, it is not reducing my huge best feeling toward them ever. 

Still I am silent in the edge of time, while thinking much to solve what is being in this mind.

Trying to browse some data and references to find it, I typed "plan your life" and find some of words "How fucking I have spent for long time by and what I could have for what I had have done"

Accompanied by Rosa - Memeluk Bulan this words are arranged

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Not a Trick

"No this trick won't work. How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? " – Albert Einstein

I thought when I am laughing a lot I could be happy as what I am always expecting for,
I thought when I am laughing a lot I could forget the sadness,
I could find a happiness to kick out this everything which disturbs my mind always and sometime,
I thought I could be the happiest person and useful by sharing happiness of my laughter,
Neither going and hanging out with friends or even entertain own self nor even helping enough,
Knowing that everything depends on heart, “Once you can find the composure of yourself then you will find the true top of happiness “

She talked a lot, she tried to advise her daughter always, I love her, do so love her
I wish I can be mother and care my daughter, son and family like her

What a messy, dull and dumb I am as human,
I am pulling apart without knowing what the exactly happen,
Am I shy to confess and showing up toward myself that I am not this kind of I am being now,
I am not like this, I was just having a thought that I don’t want anyone know me, myself, my character, I am.

Why and how I could think like that,
What I did was just push me to desperate what I was,
I want to back like I was being, when I was in Senior high school or before it,
They let me to go, find and studying so far away cause they knew that I wanted it,
They trust me a lot, until now I am still their little and trusted daughter,
Feeling so worse when I came to realize that something different on me,
Feeling so worse cause I couldn’t do all their advices,
I tried so but feeling like I can’t be a sholehah daughter for them.

Like another day, spending a lot with full of joyful and happiness. She accompanied me to pass this day , I went to go around this crowded metropolitan city. Iced Vanilla Coffee Jelly and Iced Green Tea Latte accompanied waiting the bus. Going to the zoo helps me enough to light my longing of them, my beloved family, because when I was young we used to visit the zoo. I love visiting here, the breezy air comforts me, green scenery helps me to kick out the stresses being living this town.

 “I can’t talk much here, all I know thanks to The Owner of Life for the mercy day of days, and especially today”

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